ya im having a hard time with getting enough food in this past few weeks, I just feel so exhausted, Ive been eating the same stuff since May

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People say to me its possible to be too big.....but for me I dont want a physique thats average something thats reachable, I want something thats unobtainable that looks like its so hard to get, yes women hate it, BUT I FUCKIN LOVE IT....SO FUCK IT!! why do I want this??? CAUSE NORMAL FUCKIN SUCKS!!!