CDC warns Americans to prepare for zombie apocalypse (really).

Government preparedness tips... much like military intelligence
The CDC's zombie apocalypse article is, of course, an effort to reach a younger crowd by appealing to mainstream youth interests which now include anything having to do with vampires and zombies. The article actually offers a useful but rudimentary set of preparedness tips that include gathering up emergency medicine supplies, food, water and tools.

Some of the strategies include preparing all your "important documents" such as your passport and birth certificate. This is obviously based on the idea that you are going to be relocated and will probably end up as a refugee of some sort (in a FEMA camp, no doubt). So remember to bring your birth certificate. Of course, if you don't actually have a birth certificate, you can always use Photoshop to create one from a collage of random scanned documents and no one will notice the difference these days. Not even the mainstream media.

Not surprisingly, the CDC also strongly suggests that you should bring your medications with you, because of course the entire U.S. public has already been infected with a zombie-like medical mythology that causes them to believe the human body is somehow deficient in prescription drugs. Without their meds, people think they might die! Although there are a few cases where this is true, by and large medications harm far more people than they help. But that's another story...

CDC: Do not defend yourself against the attacking zombies
One thing the CDC has utterly left out of its preparedness list, not surprisingly, is any kind of self defense weapon. Zombie lore is rife with all kinds of weapons: shotguns, chain saws, flamethrowers, swords and knives. Hand grenades, explosives and rockets are also prominently featured in zombie flicks. These weapons are usually what save the movie characters from being overrun by marauding zombies.

But the CDC says nothing about weapons. Not even a basic combat knife or a 22 pistol to keep handy. I guess the idea of people preparing for emergencies with some citizen weaponry isn't something the government wants to encourage, huh? Just be sure to have your papers in order but not your personal safety.

Instead, the CDC says it will save you. "Never Fear - CDC is Ready!" it says. It goes on to explain:

CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).

"Infection control" means arrested infected people at gunpoint and moving them into "infection zones" where everybody is infected and anyone who tries to flee is shot. That's how a quarantine actually works, in case you didn't know. Ask the CDC yourself if you don't believe me.

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What a RUSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!